We’re looking for a unicorn, but not in a shitty way. There’s no good way to say that, is there? Even if we promise that we know what we’re doing, that neither of us is straight, and we don’t have anything close to a one penis policy, we still sound like creeps.
There are some people, however, who like creeps.
And we’re not looking for someone to love. We’re looking for someone who would prefer to be kidnapped than taken to dinner. Someone who prefers the feeling of rope to silk and someone who might rather kneel on the floor than eat dessert.
We can’t say that in an ad, though.
We can’t promise not to be too kind or gentle, and we can’t swear that you won’t fall in love with one of us. After all, maybe she’ll slap your face, and you’ll start to cry tears of joy and be unable to look away from her big blue eyes. Perhaps I’ll fuck your ass while you drown in her pussy, and for a moment, you’ll wonder if love feels just like that.
And perhaps, if the night gets too long and the dark becomes comforting, you might wake up at the foot of our bed, stretch your arms above your head, and feel something akin to contentment.
I suppose that we could tell you that you won’t have to think or make decisions and there’s some freedom in that. We might offer you a chance to shut down your over-active brain and live in the realm of sensation twice a week, but would that be enough?
Would the spitting, the biting, and the spankings keep you coming back when all the world is swirling around you and loneliness makes you wonder if there should be more?
If we’re not offering love, is there a point? Does love make it moral, and does affection make it ethical?
We can promise not to let you go and not to give in to the temptation of kindness when that’s not what you need. We can offer strong hands and hard floors along with urgency and desire. Demands and approval. Pain and release.
Let’s say willingness is more valued than skill, and maybe that will help.
Judgment is left at the door along with your clothes.
And in the morning, there will always be coffee.
I most certainly would apply for that ad!
Nicely done.